Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
