You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
