We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
