She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
