Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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