we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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