You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
