Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
