it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
