How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
