its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
