Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
