Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
