don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You ate ashes out of my bong
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
