i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
