i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
