who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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