Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
