We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
