i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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