just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
