Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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