Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
