He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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