Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
