i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
