Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You pole danced in your parka.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
