He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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