dude i'm inner monologue high
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
