Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
