So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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