My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
