i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
