i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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