I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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