Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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