Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
