hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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