My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
