John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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