I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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