At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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