I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
