I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
