The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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