I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
