The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm like, not good at living.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
