I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
