Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
