You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
