I heard we made out
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
