Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
