my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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